Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
