just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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