I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
