there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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