You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
