dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
