I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
