I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
