smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
