Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
