so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
