Screwed.edu
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
