I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
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