Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
