Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You've changed since you got that strap on
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
