yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
