Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
