Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
