i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
