Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
