It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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