Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
should my penis look like a turkey
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
