and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
