Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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