I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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