margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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