Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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