dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
everyone is single if you try hard enough
do herpes really smell.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
