The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
