day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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