There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
