; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
