I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
