Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I enjoy the company of your penis
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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