You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize