i jhust puked up my retainher.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
