Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
