ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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