I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
