Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
