Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
