my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have fence marks all over my body
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
