East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
