he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Randomize
