The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
