I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
