i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
