can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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