Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
