I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize