Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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