please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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