Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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