I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
