I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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