I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
