well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
