new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
