Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
