o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
